Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Time Flies

I cannot believe that I am going to be a mother. I just can't believe it. Sometimes it hits me out of the blue and I am dumbfounded at how fast time goes by. Yesterday I was a little girl playing with my brother in our backyard, making clubhouses and swinging on the tire swing our Dad made. Yesterday I was walking the halls of my high school with my girl friends, looking for the boys we liked, then blatently ignoring them (and giggling) as we walked by. I just graduated college, I just met my husband and fell in love with him. My own Dad and Mother just gave me away at my wedding. Now, here we are, living in Alabama and I am 3 months away from being a mother myself. It amazes me. Sometimes I find myself lost inside my own mind, seeing moments so clear I could have just lived them, and they were years ago.


I am so excited to have a baby that is part of me and my wonderful, handsome husband. I am looking forward to us creating a family and raising him together the best that we can. I am however, a little anxious about the labor/childbirth part. I don't know what to expect and I am tired of hearing people tell me how much pain I am in for. How it was the worst thing they've ever felt in their lives, and that is it was absolute agony.... But, of course, "you forget it as soon as they're born." This does not comfort me very much, people. I can handle pain but to a point.... but I do NOT deal well with anticipation.I am a "rip-the-bandaid-off" kind of girl. Like, if someone was to say, "Something has happened and I need to talk to you, but I"ll call you tomorrow...." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Um, NO, you'll tell me now! I'm not going to sit for hours and wonder what the H is happening.... tell me now, or shush and don't bring it up in the first place, for crying out loud! You know what I'm saying?? Seriously. I don't want to wait and wait for it, whatever it is.

I just want it to happen so I can get through it and enjoy life with my baby son. I know I am supposed to just enjoy the ride, but all the waiting and anxiety about what it may feel like and what it may be like, being left to my imagination, it frustrates me sometimes. Especially at night. When I am left to only the thoughts in my mind, it runs like the Energizer Bunny and won't let me have any peace. AHH!! Oh well, that is what God and prayer is for. My sweet husband always reminds me to leave it up to our Heavenly Father, and that whatever he wants for me, for us and for our son, is exactly what will be. I just need to have faith and trust Him. He reminds me that we are never alone.